Let Them Eat Tourism

Some folks spend their lives achieving great things and other folks are just glad to be noticed.

Cyndi Conrad, the self-proclaimed queen of our community, struts around like she's achieved greatness, but in reality, she's just glad to be in the spotlight. This sneaky rat believes she's a civic champion.

Whether she's playing dictator at the local park, pretending she owns the damn thing to impose authority over 12-year-olds, assaulting a protest videographer, or harassing innocent melanated families with her creepy filming escapades as the privilege paparazzi, Cyndi embodies the epitome of entitled upper-class snobbery.

Her latest caper involves bulldozing the "Free Store," all in the name of attracting more affluent folks to Bisbee, who I'm sure are dying to escape crowded Florida retirement communities. But what she doesn't care about are the people who took shelter there, like Jesus, an unhoused man who called that place home along with a contingent of rotating guests.

Let me tell you with confidence, locals would unanimously rather have a drink with Jesus than Cindy. Some of us have.

This destroyed space was more than a home to the less fortunate. It was a space where artists painted, drew, and erected sculptures that gave this little slice of Bisbee it's charm. A place where tourists and artists traveling through were always excited to take a photo. A place that is no more so that we can cater to a private event for affluent tourists on one day of the year.

Of course, this isn’t the first time Cyndi has altered the city landscape with no approval, warning, or permission. This is just the first time she erased a human being with a bulldozer.

Before this, In order to make a previous stair climb meet her fickle standards, she had an old tree on private property cut down. No permit, no vote, no approval. She just called the contractor and had it done as if her wealth gives her power over private property.

It seems that Cyndi has no problem hiring contractors to alter the city without permit or consequence, but god forbid a brown man she’s never seen makes use of her precious park.

Cyndi has no qualms about lying, bullying, and circumventing the law when it benefits her agenda. All the while she acts as the fascist police force of any public space she enters.

A false Christian who uses her religion to justify anything she does, instead of tempering her actions with the teachings she ignores. I only wish I could get to see her God judge her soul in the end.

Her laughable run for mayor exposed her true colors. Cyndi is a pathological liar, a con artist, and a schemer extraordinaire. The only saving grace is that she's so terrible at it that her influence extends about as far as people's patience for a bumbling idiot. Thank whatever power ties the universe together that she’s too daft and void of self-awareness to be a talented deceiver. What she lacks in talent, intelligence, and kindness, she more than compensates for by throwing money at anything she deems a problem.

If there's one thing she's made crystal clear, it's her disdain for the less fortunate. Cyndi's disconnection from humanity is so bizarre it's like she's auditioning for a role in a David Lynch film. The silver lining? The day she sheds her reptilian skin and joins the realm of other morally bankrupt souls with more money than sense in hell, we'll raise a toast in celebration.

It's a twisted world, my friends, where some folks can dance outside the law while the rest of us are tangled in red tape and permits. That's the curious case of Cyndi Conrad for you. Some turds just streak the bowl more than others on the way down.